It was 3 o’clock in the morning on the second full day of my own silent retreat (more on that in a blog article coming soon) and I was wide awake, because of a problem I have been having for nearly 4 years. This problem couldn’t be saved by any kind of doctor, neither different German gynecologist nor Sri Lankan Ayurvedic doctors. The problem is very personal, but I am going to tell you now anyway, because I think it is crucial to put these things out there as they exist and can be healed, just not always in the common way.

I have had a severe burning sensation in my yoni (Sanskrit word for vagina). It all started with a stupid one-night stand I had more than 4 years ago, who wasn’t very gentle and I couldn’t say no. Afterwards I thought I had a bladder infection, but the burning was so deep and so long lasting and really had nothing to do with me peeing. This sensation has stuck with me for years now. It usually comes in the evening, or I wake up at night with it. Sometimes it was so bad in the mornings, that I couldn’t start the day properly or even had to change appointments. First I thought it might have been an infection, so I got all the tests done at a gynecologist. Nothing. Nothing outside to be seen nor inside to be found. And I still had the pain. With some embodiment training and training on putting awareness in my womb when I had the pain, I could reduce it a little bit. Also something cold attached to my yoni and sitting and deep breathing would help numb the pain for a while and it would always disappear at some point as if nothing has ever happened.

This one night I had it again and I stood up and tried to meditate, with the help of my recently acquired theta healing skills I thought I might find the solution. So I connected to the divine and I asked the creator of all that is (which is the same as the divine) to help me find a solution, the answer was simple: “It is a big womb trauma that happened to your ancestors a long time ago. Find it and heal it.” So I did ask and found myself on a journey 12 generations backward in time to one of my ancestors around the year 1450, she was a witch helping other people heal with herbs, but also with her supernatural skills and she was found and ordered to death in one of the earliest witch burning rituals. She literally burned to death because of her skills of talking to the divine.