RETREAT YOURSELF

How 5 days in solitude lead me to the biggest epiphany of my life

Why 5 days alone with myself without any distraction were the best days of my life so far. Well maybe after my proposal on our adventure holiday in Patagonia and my magical wedding day on Crete, but seriously right after that come those 5 days of silence, inner peace and solitude.

I spend 5 days in a small apartment without going out, with no phone or laptop. No music, no books, no other distraction. Just myself and well my journal and this iPad, which functions as my extended journal and my source for a timer for meditations on my own as well as guided meditations.

How come I’ve started this in the first place? I wanted to do a vipassana retreat since my 30th birthday or even before that, but I got the money as a present for the meditation retreat and I still have it saved in an envelope (the vipassana retreat itself is for free, but they are open for donations). I never got around booking one of these 10 day vipassana retreats, on the one hand I am not good in longterm planning and those courses are usually booked out quite fast and on the other hand the pandemic started and so on.

Now I was flying back from Crete to Germany, and needed to go in a quarantine for 5 days minimum. I decided to use our families apartment on Sylt for this time. My husband didn’t need to go into quarantine and therefore took our dog Frida and started organizing our apartment in Hamburg. I was alone for 5 days, what a great start. I love being on my own and I never really am. I spontaneously decided to make these 5 days into my own kind of vipassana retreat with my own rules.

They were:
1. Get up at 5 am and meditate for one hour without guidance.
2. No coffee (no restriction on food though other than it being healthy).
3. Journaling and yoga is allowed.
4. Guided meditations are also allowed.
5. 1 hour of input is allowed, as long as it has to do with spirituality, theta healing or anything similar.

I started to organize all my appointments and my tasks for my work at PRANA. I informed everyone that needed to be informed, I received food for those days and I was ready to start. This is what happened.

1st half day • switch off

I was ready to start, switched off my phone, put away my laptop at around 1 pm. I started by making myself some food and enjoyed it with some sun in my face that got through the window. What a blessing for the start. Afterwards I felt quite tired and laid down on the coach and fell asleep, I woke up a couple of times only to notice that I am still very tired. I got myself a tea and went to bed at 6:30 pm. I slept right through until 5 am in the next morning.

Crazy how my body craved the sleep, when he finally could he just took it for himself. What a great experience to sleep during the day without any regrets. That was such an inner peace moment for me. Incredible. Ah before I forget it, the first move was to clear the space and to clear everything from bad energies. You can do this by connecting to the divine and give an order for everything to be cleaned energetically or you could also get something like sage and do a smoke clearing ritual, afterwords use palo santo to infuse the space with new and good energy.

First full day • 1st of March 2022: just enjoy being 

I woke up on my own at 5:30, got up and started my meditation. I had some struggle to stay in the meditation for one hour, but I managed parts of it and really had some amazing conversations with the divine, getting a lot of information about my future without even asking. That was incredible. My intention given by the divine for this day was “just enjoy being”.

Then without any intention what so ever I wrote 4 blog articles before 11 am, had an idea and concept for 2 new online products, had breakfast and a morning snack, a beautiful shower and meditated again on the sofa.

It continued like that and I wrote another 2 blog articles (without the intention of doing so, the words just needed to ‚leave me‘), resting and sleeping in between, having a delicious asian style wok lunch. I could really live like this.

My day continued with writing, sleeping, meditating, eating and when it finally got dark I decided to go to bed early again at 7 pm.

2nd full day • 2nd of March 2022: heal big time

I woke up at 3 am with a pain (read more on how that went on in this blog article). After healing the pain while sitting on the sofa, I decided to go back to sleep right then and there and slept until 6:30 am again. Woke up and started my 1 hour of meditation, and the healing continued. I healed past wounds about shame, ancestral shame, and also some issues with body love and acceptance. After 4 little healing sessions before 8 am, let’s see how that day will continue as my intention given by the divine was: “heal big time”.

But first porridge and an oat cacao and finally a little bit of reading time for me, about hygge and starting new all over again. I timed it 37 minutes. Now a break again.

I felt a strong urge to write 2 rather controversial blog articles, and I will see if I will publish them. Be prepared 😉

Then finally it was time for some card drawing. First up tarot cards. I always draw cards after this order: acute situation, the current challenge and finally the solution.
The cards are always right. Also this time. Here I tell you why!

My situation at the moment: Temperance

This card stands for balance, moderation, patience, purpose.

It’s about recovering your life back into a flow, to get it back into order and balance, with this retreat I am really doing this right now. I have already learned to be patient as the card suggests, which I would also confirm to be true.

Furthermore this card also reflects higher learning. It says: You are learning a great deal where you are now and are at peace with what you are doing – it is all coming together well. Your inner voice is guiding you to the right outcome, and you are patiently listening and following.

Exactly! I can feel this. What a nice confirmation.

Ok, let’s go on. My card for my challenge: Death ☠️

Haha. I knew it. Let’s see what it says: endings, change, transformation, transition. Couldn’t depict it better!
It says even more: After a period of pause and reflection with The Hanged Man (another tarot card, which I actually had in a drawing before), the Death card symbolizes the end of a major phase or aspect of your life that you realize is no longer serving you, opening up the possibility of something far more valuable and essential (YES!).

You must close one door to open another (YES!).

You need to put the past behind you and part ways, ready to embrace new opportunities and possibilities (YES!). It may be difficult to let go of the past, but you will soon see its importance and the promise of renewal and transformation. Thank god!

Furthermore it goes on like this: Death teaches you to let go of outworn and outgrown ways of life and to move forward from them. This is a perfect card to break a bad habit or pattern of behavior. See this as a time to cut out excess and let go of what is unnecessary for your life. Purge the old belongings, memories and baggage that are getting in your way.

And I couldn’t agree more, maybe I got this card, because I chose to move from Hamburg to Crete, because I chose to turn around my business about 180 degrees 😉 and while doing so I need to let go of a lot of old habits and things, and people I have loooooong outgrown. Hell yes to new beginnings !

Well as you can see I love this whole card drawing thing.

Let’s go on to the best part, the solution.

My solution is this: The world.

It’s the last card in the deck and I couldn’t be happier. It says: Completion, integration, accomplishment, travel.

Furthermore the card describes:
Everything has come together, and you are in the right place, doing the right thing, achieving what you have envisioned. You feel whole and complete.

Sounds brilliant.

Now, The World card invites you to reflect on your journey, honor your achievements, and tune into your spiritual lessons. Celebrate your successes and bask in the joy of having brought your goals to fruition. All the triumphs and tribulations along your path have made you into the strong, wise, more experienced person you are now. Express gratitude for what you have created and harvested.

And this is so important. We tend to skip this step. Never skip this step. See what you have achieved and honor it BIG TIME. This is also healing, coming back to my original intention for today. Seeing what you have achieved and honoring it is healing, no matter where you stand….

The next card reading I did was not so easy. I used the inner compass card set to answer the following question: what is there still that needs to be healed? I picked the card “Open Doors”.

When I read the card my heart started hurting, especially when this sentence appeared: “you do not need to struggle to get what belongs to you.” And I felt it so clear and so profound, the struggle. I still do need to struggle to get what I want, this sentence is such a big belief sentence of mine, that still to this day is stuck inside of me even with a lot of mindset work in this regard. So I started investigating into this and the root cause of it all.

This all started when as a kid I only always wanted to have time for myself, and also time for adventure and exploring. I loved to go and get out into the woods and endlessly go out and explore new path or build homes and so on. The problem was that I was born with a lot of allergies, with food allergies and hey fever and so on, with neurodermatitis that turned into asthma etc. My body was weak, and I had to go to many doctors every week to get checked, to get new medicine, to get injections etc…. I didn’t have much time to explore and when I did I often got my allergy and had to stay at home. I thought it was all very unfair and I felt like I had to struggle so much just to get out there and play. When I am writing this tears stream down my face from all the pain the little Jasmin had to go through, and I just want to embrace her and tell her it’s ok my dear. One day you will be clearing all of your body issues and you will be fine, go out there and play no matter what. I love you 💕 now I know where all those struggles came from, as my energy coming into a human body was just too high of a frequency to bare (more on this another time!).

This experience stuck so much with me that even after I managed to heal all my body issues I still have the feeling that I need to struggle to get what belongs to me. Time to heal this as well. Through theta healing I got rid of my old belief and instead implemented this new sentence given by the divine:

”when I am in flow, everything that belongs to me automatically comes to me.”

And then the sun came shining through the window. What a blessing 🙏🏼

And I noticed today that there are multiple ways and little things that are a part of healing like:
1. Sun rays on your skin
2. Time, endless time
3. A real deep inhale, and a deep exhale
4. Feeling your heart, also when it’s hurting, because then you know it’s still there. Appreciate every feeling.
5. Honoring everything you have achieved so far in your life. That’s more than you might think it is. Trust me.
6. Healing is also appreciating where you are right now and celebrating every step you are taking!

Then this happened; how I met my granddad for the first time:
So that day many more healings happened, but I will only explain my highlight.

I looked through older training material and notes from my theta healing practitioner seminars, because I was guided to do that from the divine. I found one remark from another student, when we were suppose to look for ancestors in the other person. She told me she saw a man, probably my grandad on my fathers side and that he was so sorry that he couldn’t look after me properly and that he loves me.
I asked and decided to go into this, and I asked the creator for help. He explained to me that he can put me in touch with him if I want to. Well for this you must know that my granddad died before I was born and I knew he always wanted to have girls and then he got 2 boys, my father and my uncle. So I ordered to see him and there he came in front of my closed eyes and I could see me as a little kid running towards him and embracing him. He was holding me in his arms saying

“oh my kid, I love you so much. I am so sorry I couldn’t have been there for you more often, but I have been one of your guardian angels from the beginning on and I am so so proud of you.”

I couldn’t stop crying and the tears are still running down my face, while I am writing this. Funnily I have always felt a strong connection to him even though I have never got to meet him in real life. Now I know why, he’s been with me all the time looking after me. It’s been such a healing moment, and I have been seeing him quite often since then.

He wanted to give me 2 virtues that he acquired in his lifetime, and he said I will need them in my next phase. They are loving strength and strong-as-an-ox-trust. I transferred both into my DNA with a technique I know from theta healing. What an honor to meet this wonderful man. I am still very grateful and moved by this experience.

3rd full day • 3rd of March 2022: be free

I got up at 5:50 and nailed the 1 hour meditation. Yes! I connected and talked to the divine, and I also managed to talk to my guardian angels, some of them are with me for a while now, and others are new, some haven’t revealed themselves to me yet. So this is something that seems weird to you if you haven’t heard or experienced this before. But everyone of us have guardian angels that are beside us all our life’s. I will write about them in depth if you like in another blog article. For now, let’s stick to this. So I talked to the archangel Metatron, who has been with me for a while, helping me through all the transformation. I also spend some time with Abudancia and Samuel. What I’ve talked with them about is rather personal, but it was so strong that it really reminded me of connecting to them more often. Lastly I also spend some more time with Opa Julius, who is now also part of my angel-tribe, I even felt him sitting down next to me on the sofa. So comforting. Right before my 1 hour gong I asked for my intention of the day, and got the answer: ”be free”.

First I had to smile, really my intention today is to be free sitting in a small apartment without going outside. But then I got it, it’s about feeling free from the inside out, not constrained by outer circumstances and especially not constrained by inner barriers and thoughts of limitations. Ok I am up for that and so excited how this will turn out today.

And then I got thinking, what is freedom to me really. And I think it’s the freedom of choice, the freedom that I can choose freely (without being dominated by past behavior or experiences) to do what I want to do EVERY SINGLE DAY. I could start over again every single day. If I choose one path I don’t have to stick with it, I can choose new. I could also choose to end this retreat now and go out and do what ever I please to do if that is my interpretation of freedom right now. Really freedom begins with making my own choices in every minute, depending on what is good for me and when I am doing this ultimately I am also choosing what is best for everyone else. If I am living a free life, a life where I am choosing for myself every day again I have the capacity to be in my balance and so I have a humongous capacity of sending and giving love to anyone.

I would also even go one step further, if I start to stop making choices and start letting myself surrender into a flow and let my connection to the divine make the ultimate choices, that is real freedom. It’s like this feeling of knowing the answer, before you even asked the question. It is this knowing of the right decision, before even hearing all the possibilities or thinking about making a decision.

I devoted my input hour today to a brilliant man, his name is Deepak Chopra. I’ve known this man as an Ayurvedic doctor already with a wide and wise knowledge. But the book I am reading right now is the best that I have read in a long time. The book is called “The book of secrets. Unlocking the hidden dimensions of your life.”

And I found these sentences by him which are so so so true:

“Any part of yourself that you cannot face puts a barrier between you and reality. Yet emotions are entirely private. Only you know how you feel, and when you stop censoring your emotions, the effect goes far beyond feeling better. Your aim is not to experience only positive emotions. The road to freedom is not through feeling good; it is through feeling true to yourself.”

That’s it. That is freedom. Freedom is not always to be happy. Freedom is to be feeling true, true to your feelings, and true to yourself. To be brave enough to look at the parts that hurt, to be brave enough to be sad, angry and hurt. That is what freedom is. Freedom is to not suppress what you are feeling. Never. Don’t censor or deny what you feel. (More on this on Page 57 in his book).

So how did this day about freedom end? I ended up making the decision that I am free no matter what. Freedom does not depend on any outside situation, it depends on what you decide to do, who you decide to be, and ultimately how true to yourself and connected to the divine you are being while making these choices.

Freedom for me is now:
1. First sun rays of the day in my face through the wide open window/door even if it is -2 degrees outside ☀️
2. Having to decide and choose again and again who I am and who I want to be in this lifetime. I started off with school kid, then work & traveller, bachelor student, extra-occupational master student, trainee, project manager, yoga teacher, ayurveda coach, business owner, podcaster and author, theta healing practitioner and now I decided to be a spiritual lifestyle guide and I am loving it
3. Freeing my body: doing a yoga session with the title of something like “free spirit – wild heart”, loved it, and especially loved that I took the freedom to get into child pose when I needed it, or stay longer in a position I felt like staying longer. A m a z i n g.
4. Freedom is breaking my own rules.

4th full day • 4th of March 2022: have a wide open view

I never thought that so much can happen when you are hardly doing anything at all. Let me explain.

I started my meditation having no clue how it will turn out this time. It turned out that I got sucked into some of my pasts life through dreams I have been having lately. Most of them concerned past and current relationships and how they are related from past and this life’s, I don’t want to go into detail, but it showed me where some relationship dynamics come from. Finally I asked for my intention of the day, and the answer was: “have a wide open view.”

After that I thought why not go outside and see a real wide open view. My official quarantine was over, and outside looked so spectacular with white ice crystals from a frozen night and the sun was just rising. I decided to just do it, and all on my own I drove with the car to the morsum cliff, which is a nature reserve which offers big wide open spaces, the wadden sea and more. When I arrived there was suddenly fog everywhere, it was like the universe cracking a really funny big joke on me. She wanted to have a wide open view and she thought it’s about going outside and seeing it. Well let’s prove her wrong. I went outside of the car and walked the path anyway, the fog got thicker, but some sun was still coming through even though it was blurry. Actually everything was so magical, ice crystals everywhere, it was so still, no wind, no other person, just me, the fog and the nature. It wasn’t all just beautiful, I felt an inner turmoil going on, all kinds of feelings, and I was suddenly feeling sick.

I asked the divine, why this fog is here and what is happening. I got the following response: well the fog symbolizes all your past memories, all your old habits and ingrained belief systems you are still having.

Remember you will never have a clear view of you while you are still clinging to old things, surrender and free yourself by offering it all to me. You have the chance now. I offered all I could think of that was still holding me back to the divine, I put it in an imagery big bag and offered it all. The divine said that’s it’s too heavy, even though I am offering it, I am subconsciously still holding on to it. This bag cannot be taken if we are not giving it free at some level, as the divine can only help us out of our free will. I tried to surrender more and let go and make myself free, it was getting harder and harder and I started to freeze standing there. I finally literally pushed the bag up and offered it that way, that helped and I saw the bag flying off into the sky. I slowly started walking again…

At some point I was so fond of myself that I thought I could send that fog away, by connecting to the law of nature, and the law of weather. I actually tried, and it has worked for me before. This time I tried again, but while trying I noticed I am doing it for the wrong reasons, I wanted to do it to show off and so that I could write about it here. Obviously the law of nature wasn’t very pleased by that reason and it did not work out. I continued my path, but the emotional turmoil did not really get better. I started going slower and then faster, nothing worked. I suddenly decided to crouch down and embrace all the feelings, as suggested also by Deepak Chopra. I decided to feel it all even though I didn’t really know what it was all about, I stayed with the feelings and felt them slowly fading out into the ether, slowly, slowly, slowly. I suddenly remembered that I could get help, and asked for my angel Opa Julius, he immediately emerged and put his arms around me to comfort me.

With my eyes closed I stood up again and let him guide me back on the path, I was making one step at a time without opening my eyes, trusting in being guided and I repeated to myself on and on

“I am being guided, I am good, I am always being guided”.

That helped me a lot. On the final stretch I even danced a little bit.

Back home I felt better. How interesting. Maybe this was suppose to happen.
Then I decided to have pasta for breakfast, because why not.

The mood swings started to come after breakfast again, and I made up my mind and sit in mediation again to find out what is going on. I couldn’t find anything, but I could slowly calm down myself. I noticed that I got a little nervous about not doing anything and I felt like creating. So I bended my rules, took out my laptop and started designing parts of our new website, made designs for our podcast, and blog, as I noticed I am getting really passionate about bringing PRANA 2.0 to life. And basically that was one reason why I started the retreat in the first place, get really clear on where we are heading, what our mission is and how we want to portrait it forward in order to reach as many hearts and souls, and exactly those people that want and need and are passionate about hearing our message. I am sure you are one of them. So, yes make rules, but also bend them when your intuition and your body is guiding you in the right way. I know that this is not always easy to distinguish from each other, but you will get there with a lot of practice, training and guidance.

And while I was doing that the sky cleared, the blue sky showed with no sign of fog or clouds anywhere. What a beautiful response from nature. Why not try this wide open view thing again?! So I went off, took the car to my favorite sunset spot on the island and hopped onto the beach. It was miraculous, no cloud in the sky, no wind (which is unusual) and a 360 degrees view all around me. Freedom. I felt so much inner peace, I felt so connected with everything, I felt every single step I was making. I sensed the sand and the sea as if they were talking to me.

I suddenly had the feeling I was about to really know what this whole concept of unity and all is one really is about. It was enormous, as if everything makes sense, as if time was stopping, but also flowing. I only felt humble and grateful for what is. It was as if all those days, hours, minutes build up to this moment of peace and unity. Wide open view not only outside, but also inside, knowing that outside and inside ultimately don’t exist, but are also one, inseparable from each other. I think this is what you call epiphany.

Last half day • 5th of March 2022: love

Slept like a baby all up until 7 o’clock, tried to do the full length meditation, but was just too excited, because I felt like it’s time to get out there (also I was starting to real miss my dog Frida). The good thing, I felt like it was ok to only do 30 minutes and I got the most beautiful intention of the day: L O V E.

I asked is it to give love, to receive love, to be love? No response. It’s only as simple as that. Love.

The definition of love by the divine:
LOVE is all encompassing, love is universal and if it is the basis of all decision making, and when love is sewn through every single cell in your body, you will only experience peace in your life, no matter the outer circumstances.

Then funnily also I read about different dimensions we are living in, consciously or unconsciously it doesn’t matter, by Deepak Chopra. According to him there are number dimensions, one of them being love.

So before I go out there again in the world, I decided to book myself the next retreat in 3 month time, so I wouldn’t loose track of doing this on a regular basis for me. I’ll be moving to Crete next month, so I found a little mountain resort that is all eco-based, only depends on their own resources (water, solar heating and so on), the food is homegrown or from the region, and it’s supposed to be a brilliant silence out there in the mountains. I am so thrilled and so pleased with myself, that I a managed to stay true to myself. It’s the first time I’ve ever booked something for myself on my own (that has not involved family property or taking our van). So if you feel like wanting to have this experience too. Decide it as of today.

Quintessence
You don’t need to do nothing to experience inner peace, but you need to do nothing and contemplate in between doing something. That’s the key to inner peace.

Some things I learned (about myself):
1. Cooking for one person alone is quite hard, I always made too much 😅
2. I thought the hardest part would be no input other than one hour, ha I was so wrong, I didn’t crave the input at all, I enjoyed so much having no input and rather being able to give input by journalling and writing. Noted.
3. I am so much calmer when I am in my own energy, I had not one single moment in which I felt fear about what is or about what is coming.
4. I can be quite neat, the apartment was neat all the time. I guess being neat is possible for me, when I am taking the time for it. People who know me will think I am lying, as nothing ever is neat with Jasmin usually 😂
5. I am never really bored, I always know what is good for me in any moment, rest, meditation, writing or eating. Nothing ever seems boring even without distraction. Me, myself and I are just so magical 🧙‍♀️ being on my own that long made me realise what an incredible person I am and I am sure you would feel the same about yourself.
6. I actually rather like to eat 5 smaller meals, than 3 big ones. Game changer!
7. Wow, how many hours a day can have when you are not looking and scrolling through your phone every half an hour.
8. I might need even more sleep than I think, I slept between 10-14 hours every night. Could also just be the healing phase.
9. Theta healing is the best that has happened to me in a long time. It’s my gateway to communicating with the divine, to healing myself, to breaking free of old and bad habits, to really believing in myself, my path and my purpose. Thank you to all the souls that helped me get on this path and stay on it no matter how dark and difficult it sometimes gets.
10. I am a sun child, I feel so much inner peace and balance, when I am closing my eyes and really feel every single sun ray touching my skin. This is literally like heaven on earth for me, it’s like coming home. ☀️
11. It is much easier to meditate when it is still dark outside.
12. Being a Manifestor (as a human design type) I really need this time alone, it’s my lifeline and otherwise I am getting very unstable and unhappy with myself and others. My incarnation cross in human design is also „Right Angle Cross of The Four Ways (33/19 | 24/44)“, which means my life is all about experiencing, taking a break from experience and reflecting on all of it, and then teaching and sharing my experiences with others. I am always really good in this experiencing and sharing experiences phases, but I always lack in the taking rest and reflecting times, I always usually cut them short (because of conditioning, of the outside world demanding so much, and also literally society not really wanting you to stop the hamsterrad cycle) you and you only can stop this cycle. If you want to. So check out your type and what’s necessary for you, if that is one week of pure adventure, party or a marathon of seeing and connecting to people you love, then do that as your kind of retreat. Every single one of us is unique.

Go out there and celebrate your uniqueness, baby. I sure as hell do!

If you want to do this as well, some remarks from my side for you:

1. The time will come for you, don’t force it.
2. If you are ready, make it happen no matter what.
3. Try to choose an environment you are a little familiar with or at least make sure the Airbnb you are booking has everything you need.
4. Buy food in advance for all the time, make sure you have enough water and tea to cleanse. You could combine it with a food cleansing, but don’t make it harder on yourself as it already is. I quite enjoyed the making my favorite food part, but my body is already quite cleansed and detoxed anyhow. Decide on your own, if you are an Ayurveda fan I can recommend to you the kitchari detox.
5. Start this retreat out of a rather stable state of mind, and make sure you have practices in place that help you deal with mental breakdowns, like yoga, meditation, theta healing, tapping, EFT and so on. Also essential oils can help a lot, or crystals, your favorite deck of cards, a notebook and so on…

Please leave me a comment and tell me how I made an impact on you. My Manifestor soul would really love that.

Always remember to stay connected,
Yours Jasmin

If you really want to experience something like this, but you are not sure if you want to do this totally alone. I’ve got you: come and join our ‚Transform Yourself Retreat‘ on Crete in November 2022. Check the info here!

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Why 5 days alone with myself without any distraction were the best days of my life so far. Well maybe after my proposal on our adventure holiday in Patagonia and my magical wedding day on Crete, but seriously right after that come those 5 days of silence, inner peace and solitude. I spend 5 days in a small apartment without going out, with no phone or laptop. No music, no books, no other distraction. Just myself and well my journal and this iPad, which functions as my extended journal and my source for a timer for meditations on my own as well as guided meditations.

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